Seasonal Affective Disorder

Some of us feel a little S.A.D. these days. Irish Molly claims that she's read research proving that January 24th is the most depressed day in the northern hemisphere. I dunno if that's based on number of suicide attempts, Ben and Jerry's sales figures or what, but I tend to believe it. It's tempting to think that as days get longer after the winter solstice that we should be on the upswing. But experience tells me that we sink to our nadir sometime when January turns to February, the holidays are long gone, and it's colder and wetter than ever.

I had to admit to feeling down myself the other day. And I was looking about me and it seemed like something of an epidemic... like a flu bug that everyone catches. Walaka (a man strangely immune to depression) was about the only person I could think of who wasn't suffering. And I thought to myself, why is it that I live in a northern climate again? Why don't I move to California where it's always sunny and 70 degrees is cause to wear a ski jacket?

I think the answer is that I like a little death in my life. I enjoy living in a city with undeniable seasons. When Spring comes, I feel the burst of life, like sap suddenly unfrozen and running freely, like blossoms beginning to burst out of their wraps, like cocky Parisians making love on April's park benches. When Summer comes I enjoy the fullness of green, the bloat of prosperity, even the white hot August wilt. And when Autumn falls, apples drop and soups percolate on stovetops and I look forward to wearing hoodies 6 days a week. And when the Winter cloaks us in the Gray Death, I embrace it. I need to lie fallow, to hibernate with movies and fatty foods, to give myself a break from the pressure of creativity, self-improvement and productivity. I think the seasons offer us a wise perspective on human existence; they stage the cycles of life for us and encourage us (sometimes with depression) to see the value in dormancy as well as growth.

I think America's S.A.D. crisis comes from people pathologizing the depression instead of accepting it as part of the circle. We don't really live in a place that normalizes the Winter blues. Instead we push ourselves to triumph over adversity 24/7. I wish people good luck with that. I'll see you on the production line sometime in Spring. Until then, I'm taking it easy, refertilizing my brain by decomposing all the leftover bits of moldering leaves and acorn husks, and treating myself to a bottomless cup of hot cocoa.