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Friday, January 05, 2007

Stave It Off's Top Ten Movies of 2006

The Oscars are coming, and no doubt they will crown some assfeast of a movie as the best film of 2006. Screw the Academy. Before they get that chance, Stave It Off is proud to present it's 10 Best Films of O6.

Unfortunately, I have to admit to missing tons of notable films last year. I was unable to see, and thus judge, either of Clint Eastwood's WWII flicks, The Illusionist, Linklater's Through a Scanner Darkly, Volver or Duck Season (two Spanish language films sure to make a few top 10 lists,) quirky hits The Science of Sleep or Stranger than Fiction, African history lessons Last King of Scotland or Blood Diamond, The Queen, sex romp ShortBus, blood romp Apocalypto, English charmer History Boys, Brad Pitt vehicle Babel or Peter O'Toole vehicle Venus, For Your Consideration (which I am ironically unable to consider) or the Curse of the Golden Flower. I know it's weak to wax expert on a subject while admitting to so many holes but 2006 saw a sharp decline in the number of movies Stave It Off was able to watch. I also skipped The Departed, which will probably win best picture Oscar, because I have zero interest in gangster violence films. Perhaps I'll eventually see some of these and modify my post. Pan's Labyrinth, a film which opened on December 29th in select cities and will open January 12th in Seattle, is being relegated to 2007. Early reviews suggest it will be a lock for our best of 2007 list!

But first, the Bummerman's official list of WORST movies of 2006.

To qualify, I have to have actually seen the movie... this means that even though Santa Clause III or Little Man were probably the worst films of 2006, I'll never know. So here are the five worst wastes of 2 hours and 10 bucks that I can admit to in the last year:

5. Da Vinci Code - Almost saved by Ian McKellan, ultimately ruined by Tom Hanks's hair
4. Snakes on a Plane - Indescribably bad
3. Fast Food Nation - I've never seen a lamer attempt to tack characters and plot onto a non-fiction essay
2. Ultra Violet - More akin to Red Sonja than Kill Bill
1. Eragon - Worst. Script. Ever.

And now, to further delay the list, here are my special awards for 2006! This list mostly exists to honor those films that had solid, redeeming traits, but just didn't make the cut.

Sexiest scene featuring Macy Gray: Idlewild
Least sexy naked scene ever: Borat
Least comprehensible use of the English language: Mos Def in 16 Blocks
Best subtitles: Nightwatch
Best use of Mexican wrestler masks: Nacho Libre
Most mediocre film that would have been considered great 30 years ago: Inside Man
Best use of John Leguizamo's charm: Ice Age: The Meltdown
Best libertarian manifesto posing as comedy: Thank You for Smoking
Most charming dialogue between Lilly Tomlin and Meryl Streep: Prairie Home Companion

And finally, here are the top ten "go see 'em if you haven't already" flicks:

10. An Inconvenient Truth - So sad to think about the election of 2000 and remember how much hope there was in making America and the world a better place.

9. Art School Confidential - I love Jim Broadbent. Darkest comedy of the year!

8. X-Men III - Likely the end of an incredible run of superhero soap operas.

7. The Prestige - Leaving all the manflesh aside, it's the dark and crafty Chistopher Nolan that gets this film into the top 10.

6. Dave Chapelle's Block Party: not exceptional as a comedy or a live concert, but in documenting a school of brilliant artists that collaborate and respect each other.

5. The Fountain - Profoundly sad and beautiful.

4. V for Vendetta - Wachowski brothers surprisingly kept some of the best parts of Alan Moore's script. Kudos!

3. Children of Men - Heartbreakingly real, as only the best science fiction can be.

2. The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada - Barry Pepper should win Best Actor hands down. Tommy Lee Jones has made the best straight drama of the year.

1. Little Miss Sunshine - Best time I had at the movies all year.

(Edit: As of January 14th, here are the new rankings)

10. X-Men 3
9. The Prestige
8. Art School Confidential
7. Block Party
6. Children of Men
5. V for Vendetta
4. History Boys
3. The Fountain
2. The 3 Burials of M.E.
1. Little Miss Sunshine



At 1/10/2007 10:09:00 AM, Blogger John said...

Right now, my Netflix queue is stacked with 2006 films I was hoping to watch before writing this post: Through a Scanner Darkly, Lucky Number Slevin, Duck Season, Science of Sleep, Fearless, etc.

From the reviews I've read, Last King of Scotland and Curse of the Golden Flower were kinda disappointing. Stranger than Fiction was written off as Charlie Kauffman lite. Babel and Apocolypto seemed a little bloated, and For Your Consideration got lukewarm reviews... so chances are my movie selections wouldn't change too much even if I had seen everything.

I also remembered what I was trying so hard to remember a few weeks ago!!! The epic Asian film I wanted to see but missed (and can now rent) was called The Promise. Huzzah for memory!

At 1/13/2007 12:57:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Just saw History Boys last night. It should be inserted at #4 and everything should be bumped down one slot. Sorry Al Gore... you just got cut!

Also... after a couple weeks, I've decided that Art School Confidential should go up 2 slots, ahead of X-Men and The Prestige... and The Fountain should swap places with Children of Men.

At 1/14/2007 09:17:00 PM, Blogger John said...

And... (can you tell I take this top 10 list VERY seriously)
I just watched Duck Season (BORING!) and History Boys (GREAT!) and Through a Scanner Darkly (Surprisingly good... doesn't quite make the cut.)

After watching Scanner Darkly, I do have a surprising statement to make... Keanu Reeves is no longer the worst actor alive. (Ben Affleck is.) I've liked Keanu in the last 5 movies I've seen him in (this one, all three Matrix films, and Thumbsucker, the indie drama where he plays an existential dentist.) I'm almost willing to go out on a limb and say that he's becoming a decent actor.


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