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Monday, November 28, 2005


Thanksgiving weekend provided ample opportunities to reach out and connect with good people. Stave It Off irregulars Dan Phillips and Jimmimoose were up in Seattle for the weekend. We drank beer and argued about Buddhism til five in the morning. Bellinghamite Calvin Priest crashed Walter's Movie Night and helped facilitate an hour long spirited debate about personal ethics and morality in a globalized corporate world. Later, Dan and Clay and I got into it regarding relationships and post-break up socializing. So it could be the booze, or the holidaze, but I've been having lots of lovely arguments lately.

Carole and I spent a chaperoned evening together for the first time since breaking up last weekend. Clay, whom I originally contracted to protect me from emotional pitfalls, ironically bolted like a chicken after accusing me of cowardice. So, with grave determination, I headed for Carole's alone with a pocket full of Netflix and a belly full of whiskey. Luckily Chris Holland, a good mutual friend that Carole and I both know from MSW school, saved the day. He was there to keep the conversation light, to remind us to enjoy the homemade cookies, baked strudel and fine dark chocolate. And to usher us along to the featured entertainment, Willy Wonka and his Chocolate Factory. Afterward, Chris and I left Carole's together without the a single unpleasant incident... Just a little awkward silence when there ought to have been a hug.



At 11/28/2005 11:02:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's so much to reply to, I feel like a bull in a china shop. But first thing's first - who took that photo? Do I toss my awe aside as you say it's just a stock photo, or will I be forced to bow before the mighty Johnbai30mm macro lens?


At 11/29/2005 09:26:00 AM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

Unfortunately I cannot take credit for the photo. It was ripped from some other guy's blog.

At 11/29/2005 03:16:00 PM, Blogger Ned said...

And groovy it is, too. Sorry to hear about you and Carole, though it seems you're making a good go at the friend thing. I highly recommend it! My hiking companion was my ex of five years, and I really enjoy the combination of really knowing someone (as much as that's ever possible) and being comfortable enough to say and do whatever you want without worrying what they other person will think of you!

At 11/30/2005 02:41:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Whatever you do John don't let fear be the reason you pull away from the woman you may love. I felt so bad for you the other night because you're a good man that is in all likelihood suffering for reasons that are unilateral and surmountable. I too know what it's like to sabotage myself because of fear. How it produces such hollow doubt, second guesses, and many hesitations. There’s nothing written in the stars that says you and Carole are meant to be together but what I do see are two good people that look wonderful together and if given the opportunity might succeed.

I couldn’t accompany you to Carole’s because I would’ve made a mockery of your struggle. I don’t think it’s a good thing to coddle people in order to shield them from the pains of their lives. It’s these pains, if faced, that produces growth and change in us. You have a bright future in front of you if you’d just realize that you had everything you needed inside of you that very night. You didn’t need anyone to hold your hand or tell you that everything’s going to be alright.

Look a little closer in the mirror John; I think you’d see what I’ve seen on a daily basis, a human being not only worthy of love but of a chance to express the love you feel. My last thought on this is, just please don't lie to yourself and make wordy calculating excuses for what you're afraid to do.


“The way to develop self-confidence is to do the thing you fear & get a record of successful experiences behind you. Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

~William Jennings Bryant~

At 12/01/2005 09:43:00 AM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

At the risk of perpetuating a dialogue, let me apologize for something: I did not share much of my internal process as Carole and I were deciding to end our romantic relationship. For many, this blog post was the first they heard about it. I was probably too private about it. As such, it may seem logical that this is still a decision in process, or that there are still factors that haven't been considered. That is not the case. The exhaustive soul-searching that many of you might be tempted to prescribe has already occurred.

Carole and I are now in the process of simultaneously mending our hearts and building what should prove a powerful and valuable friendship. I know it will take time, and some of you (no doubt) think that it's ridiculously premature to attempt friendship so quickly after separation. Fair enough, but please don't confuse my motives (I haven't.) I wasn't watching a movie at Carole's house because I'm unresolved about our relationship. I also wasn't interested in having a healthy, deep exploration of issues with Carole. Intimacy is important, but contrary to some people's opinion, it isn't all-important. Speaking honestly with one another is something that Carole and I have done and will continue to do, but the point of that evening was to see if we could enjoy each other's company in a platonic social environment. That's a goal that requires more than two people. And, thanks to Chris's presence, it was very successful.

At 12/01/2005 01:37:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

See what I'm talking about?

Good luck bro.

At 12/01/2005 05:50:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah bro.

Now you know.

And knowing is half the battle.

At 12/01/2005 10:09:00 PM, Blogger Origami Nightingale said...

"The future will know a different kind of relationship which is based purely on love and which will remain in existence only while love remains. And there will be no hankering for its permanence, because in life nothing is permanent; only plastic flowers are permanent."

--Osho (1931-1990), contemporary mystic

At 12/02/2005 12:55:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wisely stay out of this exchange ;) and will only quote Marie Curie "Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood".


At 12/02/2005 01:48:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are a wise woman Carole. If only people would try to understand each other more instead of reacting to what they are unfamiliar with the world would be a better place. "Reckless emotional time bombs" need love too.

"You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind."

~Dale Carnegie~

At 4/16/2011 01:38:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Didn't Marie Curie die a horrible death as a result of her fearless handling of radium?


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