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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Bluster vs. Fillibuster (w/ Youtube!)

Warren Ellis: Think you'll just bust on the scene and steal my thunder, eh mate? I've been shredding violins with righteous riffs for years now. No one wants to hear yer warbling Jeff Buckley wannabe ass stealing my spotlight. Yer about to get stomped in the "dirty three" as soon as I jump up on this table and kick over my amplifier.

Andrew Bird: [Activates the whirly speaker behind him while pushing mop of hair out of eyes; squints and says] Sorry?

Warren Ellis: [Smashes top of beer bottle on nearby table] Give it up or I'll gut ya throat to gizzard, ya prissy college puke! I'm not losing mah rock star violin badass crown to a bodgy crooner like yerself.

Andrew Bird: Indeed, once I was a merry upstart, gaily climbing last year's pop chart. But now my only ambition's to successfully raise 28 chickens. Wanna join my band?

Warren Ellis: Me and my trademarked pirate shirt are gonna be here long after you and the ridiculous vest are a faded memory chump. Ever hear of the Bad Seeds jackass? You think Nick Cave would be a pop icon if it wasn't for my violin chops?! I don't just do soundtracks and arty crap, bub. I'm the god damn Ian Anderson of the violin!

Andrew Bird: I just like to compose layered riffs of plucked violin with overlapping solos. I'm more of a classical guy myself. I can't really help it if the fans flock to it.

Warren Ellis: Listen Birdman. I'm going to send you to Alcatraz if you don't shutup. Do you realize I played my last gig in front of 40 frequent flippin' shoppers at a god damn Tower Records?

Andrew Bird: Um... you know Alcatraz is a prison, not a hospital right... [whistles a gay tune]

Warren Ellis: [Brandishes broken bottle] I had to grow this crazy Charlie Manson beard just so Chan Marshall would take me seriously. Most of the time, she wouldn't even make eye contact. I'm so sick of you talented mutherhumpers just cuttin' past everyone else in line and saying excuse me, comin' through. We got this thing back in Australia. It's called a god damn sense o' decorum!

Andrew Bird: If you'd just put down that broken bottle [suffers minor neck spasm] I'm sure we could make solve this like gentlemen.

Warren Ellis: Charlie Daniels style, eh? All right... bring it you moppet bitzer. I'm going to cut you into a bloody sack of ribbons fer mah purty hair!


Friday, July 04, 2008


Classic story of love.

PC lives alone in a world of office drugery.
PC meets Mac.
Mac tries to kill PC.
PC falls in love with Mac.
Mac breaks down and has to be returned to the factory.
PC goes along and meets Mac overlord Hal 9000.
Hal 9000 tries to kill PC.
Mac (now fixed) gets mad at Hal 9000 because only she can try to kill PC.
PC and Mac fall in love and kill Hal 9000 together.

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Thursday, July 03, 2008

Spontaneous Urban Hike

Left Olaiya's house about noon today. After fueling up on a slice of Whole Foods pizza, I walked down Roosevelt til I met up with Roanoke and then took 10th up the hill until I turned onto Boston. Then I walked south on 15th until jogging over to 18th once I was past Volunteer Park. It took me about an hour and a half to walk home. Must have been 5.5-6 miles.