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Thursday, July 24, 2008

Bluster vs. Fillibuster (w/ Youtube!)

Warren Ellis: Think you'll just bust on the scene and steal my thunder, eh mate? I've been shredding violins with righteous riffs for years now. No one wants to hear yer warbling Jeff Buckley wannabe ass stealing my spotlight. Yer about to get stomped in the "dirty three" as soon as I jump up on this table and kick over my amplifier.

Andrew Bird: [Activates the whirly speaker behind him while pushing mop of hair out of eyes; squints and says] Sorry?

Warren Ellis: [Smashes top of beer bottle on nearby table] Give it up or I'll gut ya throat to gizzard, ya prissy college puke! I'm not losing mah rock star violin badass crown to a bodgy crooner like yerself.

Andrew Bird: Indeed, once I was a merry upstart, gaily climbing last year's pop chart. But now my only ambition's to successfully raise 28 chickens. Wanna join my band?

Warren Ellis: Me and my trademarked pirate shirt are gonna be here long after you and the ridiculous vest are a faded memory chump. Ever hear of the Bad Seeds jackass? You think Nick Cave would be a pop icon if it wasn't for my violin chops?! I don't just do soundtracks and arty crap, bub. I'm the god damn Ian Anderson of the violin!

Andrew Bird: I just like to compose layered riffs of plucked violin with overlapping solos. I'm more of a classical guy myself. I can't really help it if the fans flock to it.

Warren Ellis: Listen Birdman. I'm going to send you to Alcatraz if you don't shutup. Do you realize I played my last gig in front of 40 frequent flippin' shoppers at a god damn Tower Records?

Andrew Bird: Um... you know Alcatraz is a prison, not a hospital right... [whistles a gay tune]

Warren Ellis: [Brandishes broken bottle] I had to grow this crazy Charlie Manson beard just so Chan Marshall would take me seriously. Most of the time, she wouldn't even make eye contact. I'm so sick of you talented mutherhumpers just cuttin' past everyone else in line and saying excuse me, comin' through. We got this thing back in Australia. It's called a god damn sense o' decorum!

Andrew Bird: If you'd just put down that broken bottle [suffers minor neck spasm] I'm sure we could make solve this like gentlemen.

Warren Ellis: Charlie Daniels style, eh? All right... bring it you moppet bitzer. I'm going to cut you into a bloody sack of ribbons fer mah purty hair!



At 7/25/2008 09:35:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

OMG. Sloppy vs. Sleepy. Mark Wood would slay both of those guys.

Yeah, it's pretty juvenile to immediately suggest a third combatant like that. I can't help it.

I'll admit "Why?" is pretty cool. This blog posting, on the other hand, is freaking bizarre!

At 7/25/2008 09:38:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

And I still think a bull would win in a fight with a grizzly bear. :)


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