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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Project Runway

When my alarm goes off, I want to keep hitting the snooze button for hours. Instead, I have a method. I contract my stomach muscles and then my back and then my legs. I do it in a circular pattern. I imagine I'm spinning... building up the required escape velocity to break free from the gravitational field of my blankets. Eventually I will fling myself out of bed violently. Then I immediately run to the shower and stand under the pour until I can stand being awake. It feels brutal but necessary.

Sometimes I have to do something creative, something ambitious. This is all about gathering momentum. I have crashed, and in order to feel like I'm flying again, I need this. I need projects to get me feeling alive again, to feel like I'm propelling myself down a runway and starting to catch enough wind for lift off. So I've started painting. Painting feels a bit like contracting my stomach and my back and my legs. It feels like I'm willing myself to bust out of something dark and wet and loathsome. I don't like it. It's not peaceful. I feel angry at the paper. I want to spit on my canvas and cut it with a knife.

Here are the first three paintings that I've done in years.

This one looks so much like a mountain that it makes me want to puke. I was trying to paint an abstract and wound up with a cliche.

This was an attempt to paint an abstract that wound up being a self-portrait. Even more cliche?


This was my first attempt to paint on canvas. Painting on canvas is so cliche. Painting sucks.

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4 Comments:

At 6/22/2011 01:38:00 AM, Blogger Pam said...

Wow, if it's any less sucky, I didn't see a mountain at all in the first one. Totally abstract in my opinion, except for the little human I saw trying to emerge into the light. Last one was abstract like of traffic, or a crowd in the city. I guess I cannot see abstract... crop the last painting about half way down. It becomes something entirely different.

 
At 6/28/2011 01:02:00 AM, Blogger John said...

I think all of these paintings need more black.

 
At 7/06/2011 02:53:00 PM, Blogger Jimmimoose said...

These are a good expression of your teenage angst. Also, I like the moo-cow!

 
At 7/31/2011 12:51:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

painting #1. No mountains, I see lots of nautical themes, various sailing ships, an exaggerated viking ship, a caricature of a human head with a weird hat But no mountains. Another person would probably see something entirely different. Such is the nature of abstract painting.

Painting #2. how big is it? At least 20X30 inches I hope. All sorts of stuff in there.

painting #3. Abstract to me but in time I would probably start to see stuff in it, not because you put it there but because my mind would be looking for it trying to find order and meaning in the rich details of the painting whether or not the meaning is actually there.
Like inkblots what people see depends more on the person than on the inkblot.

 

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