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Tuesday, August 07, 2007

JFS Filing Cabinet: No Longer My Nemesis

Long time readers may remember the day I first used my trusty set of EZ Pickins lock picks to open a filing cabinet at work. And let me tell you friends, that was a pretty sweet day. Some may even remember the second time I bragged about defeating this pesky lock. Today, I have bested it yet a third time.

Once again, someone ignored the bold "Please Do Not Lock" sign affixed to the top of the cabinet. Once again, an office panic ensued. How would people get to the interagency forms? What if they needed a Release of Information form and didn't know how to get one off the server? A clarion call issued forth, and a hero responded. I was that hero friends, and my lock picks were like my trusty sidekick. We call ourselves Slim and EZ. You got a problem, yo, we'll solve it. Check out the cylinder while my torque wrench revolves it.

And this time, who was watching as I performed this act of unparallelled skulduggery? None other than CEO Ken, who's like the Holy Moses of our agency. I was all like, here let me help you send that fax Ken... oh, and by the way, excuse me while I open this lock (for which there is no key.) Yeah that's right. Pretty kick ass skillz, huh? And Ken was all like, OMG, That's so badass, UR so kewl!!1eleven!! I'm totally going to invite you to be my Myspace friend. And I was all, Heh... yeah right. Myspace... what a dork... you just better hope I don't pick the lock on your office and steal all your filez suckah.

So... long story short... I think I need a new archenemy. This file cabinet lock is getting old. I don't even know why they haven't just removed it. I mean, why would you keep it around? That's like leaving a broken piece of glass on your bathroom floor but figuring its okay because you put a sign next to it that says, "Don't step on this or you'll slice your foot off." And who does that? That's just stupid. I need to be testing myself against a worthwhile opponent... not some stupid lock that's already felt my wrath thrice over. This hero needs a real challenge... but who or what my friends, who or what... ?



At 8/07/2007 09:49:00 PM, Blogger Courtney said...

no google results, smooth

At 8/07/2007 10:09:00 PM, Blogger Walaka said...

Soapy, how did you get John's password and why did you post this?

At 8/08/2007 11:36:00 PM, Blogger soapysteve said...

We've barely recovered from watching Johnbai blast through fifty push-ups in a row, and ALREADY he's looking for another challenge!

Funny, Walaka, I was going to say something to that effect. :) Didn't you know that before Johnbai and I arrived on this planet, our blood was infused with the red dust of Mars?

At 8/10/2007 10:45:00 AM, Blogger Ned said...

KICK ass shit or KISS ass shit?

At 8/13/2007 07:45:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

did you look at the new post secret movie this week?

At 8/13/2007 11:56:00 AM, Blogger John said...

I just watched it! Thanks for the suggestion Anonymous.

At 8/24/2007 04:58:00 PM, Anonymous Laura said...

Ken is totes my myspace friend.
I wish that I knew who anonymous was so that I could give them a high five for the post secret rec. I check that website religiously.


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