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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Amateur Criminal Mastermind

It finally happened! I finally got to use my powers not just for good... but for AWESOME!

Someone at work accidentally locked one of those old filing cabinets that says "Do Not Lock" in big letters across the top. Daniel, our trusty Administrative Services Assistant, was asking around frantically if anyone had the key. I didn't, but I had something even cooler! I busted out my Easy Pickens brand lockpick set and went to work. I was sweatin' at first cuz the lock was a little harder than I expected. In the past, filing cabinet locks popped right out when I'd hit them with the rake. This time I had no such luck. Eventually I went subtle: I quit vibrating the rake and just focused on which pin was binding when I gave the lock some torque. It was the pin in the back so I kept up the pressure while bumpin' that guy and the whole thing just slid right open. The lock required that only the rear pin be manipulated... no wonder my chaotic raking wasn't working! All the time I was raking I was pushing up the front pins too, which stopped me from making any progress.

I can finally say that my $15 investment has paid off. Because, if nothing else, Daniel thinks I'm that much cooler now! Plus I think the new marketing guy and a couple of hot betties around the office may have noticed.



At 11/02/2006 09:03:00 AM, Blogger ScottyTuxedo said...

That's the coolest story I've ever heard! Nice pick set, where'd you get it?

Once some friends of mine locked themselves out of their doublewide while I was there visiting. I din't have picks with me, so used the little nail file on a little baby leatherman. Bottom line, 25 minutes later, broke the nail file off in the lock and felt really stupid about it.

Sure wish I had a set of easy pickens' then. Way to be prepared. Being prepared is half the battle.

see you Johnbai


At 11/02/2006 11:52:00 AM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

Scotty, I find it hard to believe you don't have multiple stories of heroic feats in which escapism and juggling and magic skillz saved the day!

As for the pick set, I ordered it online from Southern Ordinance. I think they sell crossbows and grappling hooks and laser sights along with an assortment of lockpick sets.

I can see how a nail file would make a good torque wrench, but what did you use for a pick?

At 11/02/2006 12:08:00 PM, Blogger ScottyTuxedo said...

Firstly, yes, I have many wonderful stories of using paperclips and such to be popular, break into my dad's porn stash, let distressed damsels into their homes, etc. The nail file was the first that came to mind. Jugging has never been much good for anything, except for catching a knocked over olive jar, once.

The nailfiles have the little hooked tip on the end, so I was using it as a rake/wrench combo. It often will work on simpler locks like desk drawers and file cabinets. wiggle up and down while gently twisting. It's a two-in-one, baby.


At 11/02/2006 05:25:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Johnbai - congrats on fulfilling this longstanding dream of yours! I remember you moping that you had no opportunity to exercise this skill for months and months, but now? BOO-YAAAA!! :)


At 11/03/2006 09:00:00 AM, Blogger molly said...

Boys are funny.

I like that.

At 11/03/2006 09:50:00 AM, Blogger walaka said...

"Plus I think the new marketing guy and a couple of hot betties around the office may have noticed."

Who are you, Darren Stevens?

At 11/08/2006 11:25:00 AM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

Did Bewitched ever feature lockpicks? Was Darren cruisin' the office betties? I see this as more of a I Dream of Jeanie deal.

At 11/08/2006 06:26:00 PM, Blogger walaka said...

Okay, have it your way:

Who are you, Roger Healy?


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