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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Drunky Smurf

I blame my rampant and unremitting alcoholism on my mother. It was she who introduced me, at the tender age of 9 years old, to the "green fire". Chartreuse was my mother's secret cordial. And every year or so, she would receive a bottle as a present. I was curiously unafraid to taste the sweet burning liquid... I even liked it. Proud of my capacity to "handle my booze" at such a young age, I bragged to my older brother... prompting him to perform a test of stunning scientific precision. He grabbed a syringe (we had lots laying around the house back in those days) and filled it with 5 cc's of Chartreuse. He flicked the syringe's chamber and asked me to stick out my tongue and say "ah". He squirted the potent potable into my mouth. I swallowed and bravely said, "more please!" His face ashen, he shook his head and said, "My brother, my brother... I'm afraid you are an alcoholic!"

But now, after many long years of shame and self-deprivation, I can rejoice. While Chartreuse was prohibitively expensive to ever drink to excess, now I've discovered Becherovka.

This Czech elixir is powerful and herbacious, just like Mom's old favorite. It packs a punch and tastes a bit like an old witch's medley of foraged roots and eyes of newts. Who knows what strange medicinal benefits I may be deriving from frequent and intemperate consumption. Thankfully now I can finally afford to satiate my preteen predilection for fine European boozery. At about half the price of Chartreuse, Stave It Off gives Becherovka a rare rating of: Recommended Highly!

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At 10/04/2006 09:33:00 PM, Blogger Jon said...

Scissor Sisters - so Elton and Kiki really did have a love child or two!

At 10/04/2006 09:43:00 PM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

Just doin' my best to kill the image of Mopey White Boy John and promote the new booty shakin', Bechorovka swillin' foolio. Sittin' back large and in charge.
Yessir. Lovin' life. Gangsta.

At 10/05/2006 04:38:00 AM, Anonymous molly said...

Are the scissors as popular in the States as they are here? Because even though they're a New York band, it's been reported that London is their town.

We LOVE 'em!

At 10/06/2006 02:18:00 AM, Blogger Ned said...

After dinner in a Spanish restaurant you will often be treated to a "herb liquour", "to aid your digestion" of course! They generally leave the bottle on the table ... Hmmm, could there be a trip in your future?

At 10/06/2006 08:19:00 AM, Blogger ScottyTuxedo said...

Why were there lots of syringes laying around again?

At 10/07/2006 09:55:00 AM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

Molly: I think they're only popular on the college radio charts.
John: Honestly, the Elton vibe is a bit overwhelming on a few of the tracks. Needs less piano and more funky guitar riffs.
Ned: Bring/send me a bottle and I'll review it for Stave It Off!
Scotty: I was humorously implying that someone in my family had an IV drug problem.


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