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Friday, November 17, 2006


Last July I was reflecting on having smoked a single cigarette and what that meant to my addict status. At the time I was celebrating the relief of not counting the days anymore, not worrying about just how long it had been since I quit. Recent evidence indicates that this actually worked.

When my birthday came and went last October, someone said to me, "Congratulations, that's two years since you quit smoking." Even on this date of anniversary, I had to pause for a minute to realize they were right. And that's exactly the feeling I wanted to have: happy surprise, rather than grim-faced confirmation.

However, last night I had a terrible dream that I smoked a half pack of cigarettes over the weekend and was feeling torn about the possibility of going back to the old familiar. This may have been fueled by seeing Calvin recently (who once used his visits to Seattle as an excuse to smoke cigarettes again,) and by opening and enjoying the candy cigarette pack that Walaka gave me months ago. Olaiya and I sat and pretended to smoke while drinking bourbon with backs at the Satellite just a week ago.



At 11/17/2006 01:33:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I remember puffing gum-powder through some Pall Mall bubblegum cigarettes in perhaps 1987, making a wispy pink cloud in the kitchen. I remember my grandmother flipping the F out when she saw me doing this. She actually told me I couldn't smoke them in the house.


At 11/17/2006 01:50:00 PM, Blogger Yojimbo_5 said...

It must have been a dream. You didn't get the sick nauseous feeling you get when you've gone from "0" to "60" with a new pack of weeds.

Counting days only makes you feel like its a sentence. That's no way to quit. One day at a time. Slowly. Surely. Change the habits a bit at a time, and you soon realize how hard you had to work for a cigarette.

Plus, you lose the cloud you're not aware you had following you everywhere.
And you can smell things.
And you can taste things.
And that taste of old gravel in your mouth goes away.

"Cigarette?" "Not today..."
It's that simple.

At 11/17/2006 02:10:00 PM, Blogger walaka said...

I remember after I quit I would have dreams about smoking. At first I felt bad, but then I realized it was completely guilt-free smoking! Smoking in dreams is cool and harmless - do it all you want!

Of course, I usually only dream about forgetting my glasses now...

At 11/17/2006 02:16:00 PM, Blogger Johnbai3030 said...

Steve: This particular brand (while sporting a fresh strawberry flavor) didn't give you that powdery whisp when you exhale through the cig. Big mistake on their part, as that was clearly the coolest part of candy smokes.

Walaka and Jimbo, thanks for the supportive advice. I don't think there's any danger in relapsing... just an unnerving feeling when I woke up feeling like I had just smoked a bunch of butts.


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