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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Stave It Off's Official Sexiest Women

A long time ago, I published my list of the Stave It Off 20 sexiest guys. It was one of the most commented upon posts my blog has ever seen. At the time, I intended to do this companion piece honoring my list of sexiest women, but for some reason it took me three years to complete. I was very wary of publishing this, cautiously adding names to a theoretical list over the years, but never figuring it would see the light of day. It seemed safe and playful to objectify men at the time. I didn't worry about reactions to the piece, or anyone complaining about it being shallow. Writing about women in the same vein however is fraught with peril. Even choosing the photographs was dangerous. (Google image search quickly reveals that most of these folks have been photographed in various states of undress.)

Ultimately, I decided to post this because I don't want to be so careful and PC as to ignore how delightfully sexy all these women are. I don't want to downplay how much I look forward to seeing them continue to create, perform and evolve. While none of them compare to my own wonderful and lovely Olaiya, they are luminous.

You'll probably notice that vapid is not sexy in Stave It Off land. There are no Paris Hiltons, no Jessica Simpsons, no Jessica Albas. Also, there are a few close calls that missed the list due to some of their professional endeavors. Beyonce Knowles was amazing singing At Last at the Obama presidential ball... but often looks like a posing tool in the rest of her professional work. Similarly Scarlett Johansson was a lot more likable before all the makeup ads and Tom Waits covers. Some of you may roll your eyes at my inclusion of some famous sex symbols like Salma Hayek, Monica Bellucci and Angelina Jolie. Fair enough; I'm an indie kind of guy and didn't want to publish a list that looks suspiciously like a Maxim magazine cover girl gallery. But I can't bash these ladies just because "being sexy" is what they do. That's a deceptively difficult task. Those who embrace it and carry it off deserve some credit too.

In the original post about men, I eventually broke the list into subgroups... categories of sexiness if you will. There were the intellectuals, the bad boys, the golden boys, the sensitive artists, and the man's man types. With this list, I see the warrior, the seductress, the geek, and the girl-next-door. All 20 selections to the official Stave It Off sexiest ladies list seem to fall into one of these four categories. You can probably guess which is which. In no particular order... here they are:



Serena Williams



Salma Hayek



America Ferrera



Rose Marshack



Janeane Garofalo



Lucy Liu



Bjork Gudmundsdottir



Emily Watson



Christina Hendricks



Gillian Anderson



Gina Torres



Michelle Yeoh



Jennifer Tilly



Jennifer Connelly



Macy Gray



Monica Bellucci



Sarah Silverman



Angelina Jolie



Lauryn Hill



Jenna Fischer


Others strongly considered for the list: Parker Posey, Kim Deal, Natalie Merchant, Grace Park and John Leguizamo.

I hope that none of you readers find this offensive, but feel free to comment if you do. Or feel free to comment if you don't. While I find the idea of beauty pageants repulsive because we honor stereotypical forms of physical beauty with little appreciation of character, poise, talent, intelligence, humor, etc... This list isn't meant to be another document supporting the idea of that a woman's role is to be sexy to men, and that there is only one prescribed method to achieve that. I'm hoping, instead, that this document testifies to the fact that there are all kinds of sexiness... and that appreciating sexiness doesn't mean that we have to demean anyone or demand anything of anyone.

11 Comments:

At 7/17/2009 05:57:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

I don't think you insulated your decisions quite enough. Another paragraph of disclaimers and sheepish nonsense covering your ass would have been good. :)

Dude. You're allowed to like or dislike whatever you want. You're even allowed to not understand why you like something.

Four of these women I've never heard of. Three of them might go on my list. And the only way you'll learn which three is if I do a list like this on my blog. What the heck, check up on me next week.

 
At 7/17/2009 09:39:00 AM, Blogger John said...

Hmmm... If I had to guess who would cross over from my list to yours, it would be Monica Bellucci, Jennifer Connelly, and Angelina Jolie.

The four you've never heard of... Must be 4 of these 5: Jenna Fischer, Rose Marshack, Sarah Silverman, America Ferrera or Christina Hendricks.

 
At 7/17/2009 10:11:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

As Meatloaf once said, two outta three ain't bad. Wow, my tastes are that obvious? :)

If Monica Bellucci had licked more bloody knives, she'd be on my list. Unfortunately she only did that in one movie. Jenna Fischer, Rose Marshack, Christina Hendricks, and Emily Watson - no idea who they are.

I am very aware of Sarah Silverman. She's one of the only Stuff White People Like that I actually do like!

 
At 7/19/2009 02:08:00 PM, Blogger Yojimbo_5 said...

Very disappointed my wife didn't make the list.

Very few of these women float my boat and quite a few of them—Jennifer Connelly in particular—sink it. I've developed a real aversion to her since seeing her on "Inside the Actor's Studio." Very pretensiously self-aware. Yeesh.

 
At 7/20/2009 12:51:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Sorry Jim, rest assured that your wife just missed the "just missed" list.

We all have very idiosyncratic responses to the various soundbites and stories we hear about celebrities. And I know what you mean about being suddenly and forever turned off by someone because of how they came across in an interview. I insulate myself from the E-news side of the world... so I'm basing my picks almost solely on how these women have appeared in their professional capacities... not so much in their personal lives, late show appearances or magazine interviews.

 
At 7/21/2009 04:28:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

Kate Beckinsale was very disappointed that you left her off the list. Aghast, actually. She wants her crossbow back.

 
At 7/21/2009 01:58:00 PM, Blogger John said...

KB has a special place in my heart for Underworld 1&2... but I don't know her from anything else. Looking forward to seeing your list (free of hedging or sensitivity of course!)

 
At 2/22/2010 08:12:00 PM, Blogger rose said...

OMG

 
At 2/22/2010 08:59:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Oh my god... I just realized who you are, Rose.

I talked to you for about 5 minutes one time while you were working a merch table before your performance at The Showbox in Seattle. You were opening for the Breeders. I couldn't unstick my tongue... and wound up sounding like an asshole who just wanted to know if you were going to play If You See Kay.

The song I really wanted to hear you play was Afterglow. Which you didn't, BTW.

So now I've Googled you, found your Twitter account, and learned that your a recent mother and that you love avocados. Good for you. I hope it's a lift in your day to find out that some random guy in Seattle thinks you're lovely and amazing.

 
At 2/23/2010 10:06:00 AM, Blogger rose said...

in my day? try my year! what a nice thing to read, and especially, to be in a list with Michelle Yeoh!
You should FB me because there's a long commentary about this list now on there.

And.. you didn't sound like an asshole. I distinctly remember that show because I was in a wonderful mood afterwards because someone actually talked to me at the merch table. It was probably you!

Take care,
Rose

 
At 2/24/2010 08:28:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rose Marshack rocks! Check her out online, she totally deserves to be on your list. Good choice!

 

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