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Friday, June 05, 2009

Rethinking Life's Many Choices

For the last several years, my softball jersey has sported the number 17 on the back (in honor of the great Mark Grace) and has been adorned with the name "Grasshopper". My team, Happy Hour, had the brilliant idea of putting drink names on backs of our jerseys. So instead of picking Harvey Wallbanger or Velvet Hammer #2... or any other overtly baseball-related name... I went with Grasshopper. I was playing centerfield at the time, so Grasshopper was sort of apt. I think the drink is made with creme de menth and is probably disgusting. But I didn't pick the name because of the beverage or its relation to playing the outfield. I chose it almost entirely because of David Carradine's character in the TV show Kung Fu.

Kwai Chang Caine (nicknamed "Grasshopper") was one of the great pulpy influences on my childhood formation of what it meant to be masculine and heroic. He represented integrity, fortitude, sacrifice, quiet intensity, and the mysterious, exotic powers granted to those who practice the extreme self-discipline of the Orient. He was a beacon of honor in a dusty land of outlaws and harsh realities. He was an idealist surviving in a land hellbent on crushing the nobility out of any man. His dignity was unflappable. He was my hero.

And now he's dead. Found naked in the closet of his Bangkok hotel room with shoestrings tied around his neck and genitals. Nice. Way to destroy my universe David. I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to the ridicule I'm going to face at softball this Sunday wearing my Grasshopper jersey.

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At 6/05/2009 11:49:00 PM, Blogger Walaka said...

I'm sure that as his life was ebbing from him, he was thinking about you, John.

Not your finest hour, I think.

At 6/06/2009 02:09:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

And what do we notice about Kwai Chang Caine in that photo?

hint: silver surfer

At 6/08/2009 01:19:00 AM, Blogger Jimmimoose said...

I want a cool old school reference on the back of my softball jersey. Fucker.

At 6/08/2009 02:03:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Walaka... not my finest hour?! He's the dumbass who killed himself trying to masturbate better.

LowCoolant... excellent point. I must start an official all-bald pantheon. Who can join the all-star squadron of: Grasshopper, Silver Surfer, Doctor Manhattan and Powder? Yul Brynner?

Jimmimoose... Quit biting my style!

At 6/08/2009 02:10:00 PM, Blogger Walaka said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 6/09/2009 12:36:00 PM, Blogger Jimmimoose said...

But your style is so sweet and tasty!

And how about Dr. Venture for your all-bald squad?


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