New Cipher

Stave If Off is a longtime advocate of Cockney rhyming slang.

The most colorful origin story maintains that the criminal classes in London invented the cipher in order to speak openly without fear of constabulary repercussion. The system works by replacing key words with commonly paired words that rhyme with the original. Thus... the key word "road" is subbed out for commonly paired words "frog and toad". Hearing someone in a thick Cockney accent saying, "The pub is just down the frog and toad," makes me smile. It becomes even more surreal when the word that actually rhymes with the original word is omitted. "The pub is just down the frog," makes me smile uncontrollably.

If you're unfamiliar with the common examples, try to decipher these phrases yourself:

"She's got lovely bacons."
"Pass the army, will you?"
"Hand over the bees!"

Start by looking at the code words: bacon, army and bees. What words are they commonly paired with? If we guess that bacon's pair word is sausage (as in "bacon and sausage") then we would look for a word that rhymes with sausage that fits into the expression "She's got lovely ___s." Since nothing really rhymes with sausage... we can conclude that sausage was the wrong pair word. Or... maybe she does have lovely Gossages. Who knows? Better bet is to go back and find another word that is frequently paired with bacon.

Following the first link in this post will lead you to the answers if you're stumped.

A fun new cipher has been created by the phenomenon of cell phone texting. Most cell phones include a predictive texting function that guesses at what you're trying to spell. Since each number corresponds to 3 letters... there are quite a number of possible permutations if you hit the 4,6,5 buttons in that order. 4 could be any of GHI, 6 could be MNO and 5 could be JKL. Basic math will reveal that there are 27 different possible letter combinations in this example. But only one spells an English word: INK. So your very smart cell phone assumes you are trying to spell INK.

This doesn't always work perfectly however. As you might surmise, many words have the same numerical formula... and my very smart cell phone doesn't know if I want to "eat" a bagel or "fat" a bagel. Both words are spelled when you punch in 327. Luckily for my bagel, the phone defaults to "eat". It is often wrong though... which creates the opportunity for a new cipher. Incorrect predictive texting results give us many examples of words that can be replaced with seemingly nonsensical alternatives.

Por exemplo:

"Beer" defaults to "adds"
"Cool" results in "book"
"Autumn" comes out as "buttons"

To make it more interesting, we also have to transcend the medium. We can't just be texting these substitute words, we have to add them to our everyday parlance. So I'm advocating that instead of saying, "Cool!" we should say "Book!" And minors should be talking about "processing some adds" instead of "drinking beers". Thwart that constabulary, kids! And from now on, "school starts in the buttons."

Do you have other examples of texting cipher speak?

Preferably something more novel than "them" vs. "then" or "ball" vs. "call".