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Tuesday, February 19, 2008

A Little Help Here?

Inspired by recent email exchange with Soapy, I pose this challenge to the loyal readers out there in Stave It Off Nation. Being slapped with a name like John has provided me with no end of difficulty in this life.

It's really a shame that my namesake refers either to a toilet, or to a patron of prostitutes. It is also also the common first name for an unidentified dead body, or the loser recipient of a break up letter.

Can we please have some positive connotations for the name "John"?!



At 2/19/2008 10:03:00 PM, Blogger Yojimbo_5 said...

It's very common-ness is testimony to its popularity.

There will never be as many Horatioes, Wolfganglia and Heironymi as there are "John's."

It just doesn't have the pizazz, the cachet that a name like...oh, I don't know.."James" does.

That help?

At 2/20/2008 09:58:00 AM, Blogger John said...


Soapy came up with one positive connotation: "Johnny on the spot"... as in, when Jim is away on business and his lovely wife is lonely, it's lucky she has me for her Johnny on the Spot.

(I hope K isn't actually reading this.)

At 2/20/2008 11:30:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you miss your window of opportunity you will be a Johnny Come Lately.


At 2/22/2008 06:05:00 AM, Blogger molly said...

Maybe you should consider the positives regarding your name also being a nickname for a toilet. I mean, really, what a great invention, the toilet. I am actually in love with indoor plumbing and I thank the Roman Gods for inventing it. I think going to "The John" beats going to "The ignorant hole in the ground" hands (or bums) down (you DO remember my 2 years in a Hansville trailer with no sewage, just a poopy hole in the woods, right?).

I think "The John" is a pretty fuckin good invention and you should be proud because "The John" is also called "The Throne". That's pretty fuckin cool, right? At least your name isn't Ralph, and you're not getting calls on the "Big White Phone".

"The John" is also called "The Pot", and I think we all know how much we used to appreciate smoking the pot... or maybe still do. Am I right? Ok, it's a bit of a lateral leap, but stay with me.

I've also heard "The John" referred to as "The Pool" (as in where you might drop "The Kids") or where one might go fishing for brown trout. Personally, I love pools and fishing's a pretty tranquil sport as well. So that's all good.

See? There's no end to the goodness.

At 2/22/2008 01:19:00 PM, Blogger John said...

Fecking brilliant... I feel so much better now!

At 2/22/2008 10:23:00 PM, Blogger Olaiya said...

Not so much positive connotations as an illustrious history. (I get pretty geeked out on etymology so thought this was cool.)


Also: I'm going to start calling you "Yahweh is gracious". You don't mind do you?

At 2/24/2008 12:21:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

John Henry: a bonafide, trustworthy signature

John Smith: a stalwart, stand-up guy, Speak for yourself John

Frankie and Johnnie... were lovers. 'Nuff said.

At 2/25/2008 12:04:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh yeah, that was Pam as that masked anonymous poster up above.

Remember, John Henry also had a little hammer. He was a steel drivin' man. ~p

At 2/25/2008 10:50:00 AM, Blogger John said...

Woah, woah, woah. JOHN henry did NOT have a LITTLE hammer. He had a massive, harder-than-rock, MANLY HAMMER.

At 2/25/2008 11:46:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

He picked up a hammer and a little piece of steel, said Hammer gonna be the death of me, lord lord, hammer gonna be the death of me. ~p

At 2/26/2008 12:07:00 AM, Blogger lowcoolant said...

Hancock. John Hancock. Signature.

At 2/26/2008 08:32:00 AM, Blogger Yojimbo_5 said...

If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.

I'd hammer in the evening all over this land.

I'd hammer out danger. I'd hammer out a warning.

I'd hammer out love between my brothers and my sisters all over this land.

(Not that I'm endorsing incest, by the way...more of a "liberal lingo you are everything and everything is you" kinda thing)

At 2/26/2008 08:34:00 AM, Blogger Yojimbo_5 said...

Speaking of "Johnny on the Spot," you'd have to get past the dog, who likes to get "in the face" of tall men coming to the door. In that case, it would be "Spot on the Johnny."

At 2/26/2008 11:02:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hhahahaha ~p

At 2/27/2008 01:04:00 PM, Blogger Yojimbo_5 said...

You know, once you actually GET a hammer...you don't do nearly the amount of hammering you think you're going to....
(Thanks to Ellen Degeneres for the punch-line)


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